I'm gonna tell you a story
It has a start, a middle, and an end
I'm really in love with a boy
But every day I pretend
Pretend that I don't care
When he makes no effort to say hi
Pretend that I'm not scared
Of losing him in the blink of an eye
Let's start at the beginning
Names were exchanged, numbers programmed into phones
I started to realize i wanted to call this boy my own.
He was like my twin, everyday, all the time, together.
Always together.
But is there too much of a good thing?
Can liking someone so much actually... sting?
Yes, as a matter of fact, it can.
Especially when they don't feel the same way.
No matter how many times you listen to "Stan"
That won't make the pain go away
Panic sets in and time takes its toll
Without him I feel this awkward hole
It's unhealthy to need someone this much
But I can't help it... he's my crutch
I haven't said anything
Unrequited love-- not exactly something I want to admit feeling
And no matter how angry, sad, frustrated he makes me
By ignoring me
Forgetting about me
Pushing me to the background
Not realizing how much I miss him
Being perfectly content without me there by his side
Living life
Being okay
Being happy without me...
...I still love him.
I tell myself that it's just chaotic right now, but things will slow down
and we'll get back to how we used to be.
But I know in my mind that it'll never happen.
And it doesn't.
Not even the happiest of moments brings us closer.
Those moments we do share are temporary, fleeting.
As nice as they are, they don't mean all too much.
It hurts so much to accept the dissolved nature of the two of us, as our relationship now seems so frivolous; so shallow.
What happened?
Is it me?
Is it him?
Is it... life?
...It's life.
But it sucks.
I debate with myself whether to take a risk and just get these feelings out on the surface, after all, things couldn't get much more nonexistent than they already are.
But it scares me too much,
and I really don't think I can do it.
So I guess life wins on this one.
Whatever's gonna happen, will, and I'll always wonder what went wrong.
This feels like the wrong ending.
