You are NOT invisible.
In fact, you are so very visible to me.
Just thought you should know.
I see the way you look at me and I hope you realize how flustered I get around you.
It could just all be in my head.
But... I have written proof that it's not :)
<3 Jamie
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Tell me what you've taken.
I can't do this any more.
I can't live in the past and hope that someday what I wanted for so long will finally become a reality. I just can't do that.
I love you, but... it does nothing but hurt me.
I can't help you fix yourself, but at least I can say I tried.
I'm sorry but I've gotta move on with my own life.
I can't live in the past and hope that someday what I wanted for so long will finally become a reality. I just can't do that.
I love you, but... it does nothing but hurt me.
I can't help you fix yourself, but at least I can say I tried.
I'm sorry but I've gotta move on with my own life.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
But you won't do the same.
I'm gonna tell you a story
It has a start, a middle, and an end
I'm really in love with a boy
But every day I pretend
Pretend that I don't care
When he makes no effort to say hi
Pretend that I'm not scared
Of losing him in the blink of an eye
Let's start at the beginning
Names were exchanged, numbers programmed into phones
I started to realize i wanted to call this boy my own.
He was like my twin, everyday, all the time, together.
Always together.
But is there too much of a good thing?
Can liking someone so much actually... sting?
Yes, as a matter of fact, it can.
Especially when they don't feel the same way.
No matter how many times you listen to "Stan"
That won't make the pain go away
Panic sets in and time takes its toll
Without him I feel this awkward hole
It's unhealthy to need someone this much
But I can't help it... he's my crutch
I haven't said anything
Unrequited love-- not exactly something I want to admit feeling
And no matter how angry, sad, frustrated he makes me
By ignoring me
Forgetting about me
Pushing me to the background
Not realizing how much I miss him
Being perfectly content without me there by his side
Living life
Being okay
Being happy without me...
...I still love him.
I tell myself that it's just chaotic right now, but things will slow down
and we'll get back to how we used to be.
But I know in my mind that it'll never happen.
And it doesn't.
Not even the happiest of moments brings us closer.
Those moments we do share are temporary, fleeting.
As nice as they are, they don't mean all too much.
It hurts so much to accept the dissolved nature of the two of us, as our relationship now seems so frivolous; so shallow.
What happened?
Is it me?
Is it him?
Is it... life?
...It's life.
But it sucks.
I debate with myself whether to take a risk and just get these feelings out on the surface, after all, things couldn't get much more nonexistent than they already are.
But it scares me too much,
and I really don't think I can do it.
So I guess life wins on this one.
Whatever's gonna happen, will, and I'll always wonder what went wrong.
This feels like the wrong ending.
It has a start, a middle, and an end
I'm really in love with a boy
But every day I pretend
Pretend that I don't care
When he makes no effort to say hi
Pretend that I'm not scared
Of losing him in the blink of an eye
Let's start at the beginning
Names were exchanged, numbers programmed into phones
I started to realize i wanted to call this boy my own.
He was like my twin, everyday, all the time, together.
Always together.
But is there too much of a good thing?
Can liking someone so much actually... sting?
Yes, as a matter of fact, it can.
Especially when they don't feel the same way.
No matter how many times you listen to "Stan"
That won't make the pain go away
Panic sets in and time takes its toll
Without him I feel this awkward hole
It's unhealthy to need someone this much
But I can't help it... he's my crutch
I haven't said anything
Unrequited love-- not exactly something I want to admit feeling
And no matter how angry, sad, frustrated he makes me
By ignoring me
Forgetting about me
Pushing me to the background
Not realizing how much I miss him
Being perfectly content without me there by his side
Living life
Being okay
Being happy without me...
...I still love him.
I tell myself that it's just chaotic right now, but things will slow down
and we'll get back to how we used to be.
But I know in my mind that it'll never happen.
And it doesn't.
Not even the happiest of moments brings us closer.
Those moments we do share are temporary, fleeting.
As nice as they are, they don't mean all too much.
It hurts so much to accept the dissolved nature of the two of us, as our relationship now seems so frivolous; so shallow.
What happened?
Is it me?
Is it him?
Is it... life?
...It's life.
But it sucks.
I debate with myself whether to take a risk and just get these feelings out on the surface, after all, things couldn't get much more nonexistent than they already are.
But it scares me too much,
and I really don't think I can do it.
So I guess life wins on this one.
Whatever's gonna happen, will, and I'll always wonder what went wrong.
This feels like the wrong ending.
Friday, November 19, 2010
You'll always be my hero even though you've lost your mind.
I am obsessed with how weird life can be.
I live for those little moments that shock you. The times when you think something is so out of the picture, and then it pops back up and hits you in the face.
I had several of those types of moments this week. I'm not sure how I feel about them quite yet, because I'm still trying to figure out why I am awake at 4:43 in the morning, when I have class in 8 hours and I could be sleeping right now. But my mommy is calling me in a few hours and I don't want to be asleep when she calls... eek! I'm so colddd right now, why is it so freezing up in hurrrr?
Alright... whatever. I'm tired, but I'll try to sort this shit out right now.
So on Monday, K comes up to me right after Psych. Actually, here's what REALLY happened: he creeped. He actually was lingering and like, not leaving where he was standing because he didn't want me to leave before he got the chance to talk to me. I think that gesture in itself was his little silly way of "apologizing" for how rude he was the week before. I can't accept that as an apology though... I think of it more as a peace offering.
Whatever. So then right as he said my name, I knew exactly what was about to happen. He was going to speak to me just like nothing had changed, and I was going to fall for it. I knew the second he said "Jamie", that the grudge that irritated me SO bad and made me want to yell at him was about to disintegrate. What IS that? What kind of freakish hold does he have on me that makes me not even stand my ground and be as cold as he can be? I don't know, but I know I'm powerless in that situation. I always have been.
Which is really weird, because I have been so confused and bruised by his frigidness and lack of concern for me. Especially lately. I wanted him to be the one to reach out to me. I wanted him to show up at my dorm and go over homework or music or speech or whatever. I wanted him to text me in the middle of class with some random anecdote. I wanted to know that he missed me... and I don't think he did. It's a one-way relationship, with me always having to be the one to lead the way. There's something very off about that, considering our history. But I feel like that means nothing to him, and that's what (has always) hurts me the most.
But there he was, chatting it up with me as though nothing was wrong, nothing had changed or gone bitter, and he had no remorse for his coldness. I responded with mindless chatter, carrying on a meaningless conversation that was going to lead nowhere. Lovely. In my head, I was thinking, "Are you really going to be that weak and just accept this like that? You're belittling yourself and what is it getting you? A 10 minute walk to Bromley? How is this going to benefit you?" And I came back with... nothing. There's no reason why I should have accepted that, except that I must not think very highly of myself if I could allow myself to be walked over like that.
I've always done that. With him. And that's the thing-- other people who have wronged me, I really don't give a shit about. Once they've lost my trust, I write them out of my life and don't bring up their name. But what in the world is it that makes me refuse to delete him from my thoughts?
...I don't know, man. Something's wrong, ya know what im sayin?? Somethin's wrong wit dat.
Hahaha.
Ok, so awkward situation #2: (LML... Love My Life...) I'm standing at the bus stop, minding my own business like a good little U of I college girl, when who should appear out of nowhere but B?? OF COURSE! I was worried in my head at first that it would be super strained and I'd have to endure a painfully uncomfortable bus ride of small talk and things we couldn't care less about... but it was surprisingly not awkward. At least not on my end. I tried my best to be funny, but let's face it, I'm just kind of an awkward person, so that didn't really work out too well.
...I still don't believe that he didn't know I moved out of Allen... that's just not possible. He'd have to really be in another world to not even put two and two together and realize that I lived somewhere else. I mean really? ...Come on. Haha so anyway, I'm trying to remember this one thing he said in response to something I said, because that's my FAVORITE part of the way he talks, but I can't think of what it was... it was something where he said, "You probably shouldn't..." and then I said "Probably not..." :) I'm a freak, obviously. But that little part was nice. I dunno, I just... I felt really dumb when he didn't make any effort to talk to me at all, and I still feel like that situation just sucks. But seeing him and being able to talk normally made me feel better. Not everything is going to turn into something, but you can still be normal afterwards. Hopefully. It just took a while and probably won't happen again unless by chance, but..... other than that... yeahh. Totally normal. ...Right.
ALSO. I am such a freak who remembers these small details and analyzes them but I love it :) so when we were talking about Suburban Express and going home, first of all I saw the glimmer in his eyes when he thought there was a possibility we'd be on the same bus. Heheh. Secondly, when I mentioned that I'd taken it before, the way he said, "You've done this before..?" was just... ahhhhhh. That's the only way I can describe it. It's the weirdest thing ever! But just, the tone he had when he said that, I just.... merrrrr ahahahh the only way I can describe it is like... "Jamie, I'm just picturing you now, having done this before." HAHAHAH! I am SUCH a weird girl!! But its ok :) And then I said, "Yeah, I've been home three times." And he said, "..Three times?" And I said, "Yeah." And he said, "I haven't gone home at all."
I must say, deciphering the tone in that conversation was pretty satisfactory. The best way I can describe that whole encounter is flirtatious awkwardness. Just my style.... hahahahahahha. But seriously. :)
I can be a freak, I can I can be a freak.
And THENNNN I ran into rdubsss on the bus and then at harry potter and it just made me happpyyy :-) loverz doverzz'd tonight and harry potter was the SHITTTT! omg. and rdubs gave me all these new games/apps for my phone and i am so excited.
What I'm not excited for is packing. Fuck this shit. Oh well, hopefully it won't take very long. I am not looking forward to class at all tomorrow, and by "not looking forward to" I mean shoot me now. But I am so excited for the bus ride home and being home and eating good food and curling up on the couch and watching tv and hugging my mommy and judging speech and seeing maranto and the gbs speechies and crushing people's dreams (mwahaha, I'm powerful) and oracles and turkey and yayyyy. :)
I wish Ashley could come be with us, though, it makes me so sad. I really want to fix the situation but I don't know how. :(
Ok, well for now, I'm gonna sleep. Then... to the lighthouse! (Glenview.)
Peace. Love. Thanksgiving break =)
I live for those little moments that shock you. The times when you think something is so out of the picture, and then it pops back up and hits you in the face.
I had several of those types of moments this week. I'm not sure how I feel about them quite yet, because I'm still trying to figure out why I am awake at 4:43 in the morning, when I have class in 8 hours and I could be sleeping right now. But my mommy is calling me in a few hours and I don't want to be asleep when she calls... eek! I'm so colddd right now, why is it so freezing up in hurrrr?
Alright... whatever. I'm tired, but I'll try to sort this shit out right now.
So on Monday, K comes up to me right after Psych. Actually, here's what REALLY happened: he creeped. He actually was lingering and like, not leaving where he was standing because he didn't want me to leave before he got the chance to talk to me. I think that gesture in itself was his little silly way of "apologizing" for how rude he was the week before. I can't accept that as an apology though... I think of it more as a peace offering.
Whatever. So then right as he said my name, I knew exactly what was about to happen. He was going to speak to me just like nothing had changed, and I was going to fall for it. I knew the second he said "Jamie", that the grudge that irritated me SO bad and made me want to yell at him was about to disintegrate. What IS that? What kind of freakish hold does he have on me that makes me not even stand my ground and be as cold as he can be? I don't know, but I know I'm powerless in that situation. I always have been.
Which is really weird, because I have been so confused and bruised by his frigidness and lack of concern for me. Especially lately. I wanted him to be the one to reach out to me. I wanted him to show up at my dorm and go over homework or music or speech or whatever. I wanted him to text me in the middle of class with some random anecdote. I wanted to know that he missed me... and I don't think he did. It's a one-way relationship, with me always having to be the one to lead the way. There's something very off about that, considering our history. But I feel like that means nothing to him, and that's what (has always) hurts me the most.
But there he was, chatting it up with me as though nothing was wrong, nothing had changed or gone bitter, and he had no remorse for his coldness. I responded with mindless chatter, carrying on a meaningless conversation that was going to lead nowhere. Lovely. In my head, I was thinking, "Are you really going to be that weak and just accept this like that? You're belittling yourself and what is it getting you? A 10 minute walk to Bromley? How is this going to benefit you?" And I came back with... nothing. There's no reason why I should have accepted that, except that I must not think very highly of myself if I could allow myself to be walked over like that.
I've always done that. With him. And that's the thing-- other people who have wronged me, I really don't give a shit about. Once they've lost my trust, I write them out of my life and don't bring up their name. But what in the world is it that makes me refuse to delete him from my thoughts?
...I don't know, man. Something's wrong, ya know what im sayin?? Somethin's wrong wit dat.
Hahaha.
Ok, so awkward situation #2: (LML... Love My Life...) I'm standing at the bus stop, minding my own business like a good little U of I college girl, when who should appear out of nowhere but B?? OF COURSE! I was worried in my head at first that it would be super strained and I'd have to endure a painfully uncomfortable bus ride of small talk and things we couldn't care less about... but it was surprisingly not awkward. At least not on my end. I tried my best to be funny, but let's face it, I'm just kind of an awkward person, so that didn't really work out too well.
...I still don't believe that he didn't know I moved out of Allen... that's just not possible. He'd have to really be in another world to not even put two and two together and realize that I lived somewhere else. I mean really? ...Come on. Haha so anyway, I'm trying to remember this one thing he said in response to something I said, because that's my FAVORITE part of the way he talks, but I can't think of what it was... it was something where he said, "You probably shouldn't..." and then I said "Probably not..." :) I'm a freak, obviously. But that little part was nice. I dunno, I just... I felt really dumb when he didn't make any effort to talk to me at all, and I still feel like that situation just sucks. But seeing him and being able to talk normally made me feel better. Not everything is going to turn into something, but you can still be normal afterwards. Hopefully. It just took a while and probably won't happen again unless by chance, but..... other than that... yeahh. Totally normal. ...Right.
ALSO. I am such a freak who remembers these small details and analyzes them but I love it :) so when we were talking about Suburban Express and going home, first of all I saw the glimmer in his eyes when he thought there was a possibility we'd be on the same bus. Heheh. Secondly, when I mentioned that I'd taken it before, the way he said, "You've done this before..?" was just... ahhhhhh. That's the only way I can describe it. It's the weirdest thing ever! But just, the tone he had when he said that, I just.... merrrrr ahahahh the only way I can describe it is like... "Jamie, I'm just picturing you now, having done this before." HAHAHAH! I am SUCH a weird girl!! But its ok :) And then I said, "Yeah, I've been home three times." And he said, "..Three times?" And I said, "Yeah." And he said, "I haven't gone home at all."
I must say, deciphering the tone in that conversation was pretty satisfactory. The best way I can describe that whole encounter is flirtatious awkwardness. Just my style.... hahahahahahha. But seriously. :)
I can be a freak, I can I can be a freak.
And THENNNN I ran into rdubsss on the bus and then at harry potter and it just made me happpyyy :-) loverz doverzz'd tonight and harry potter was the SHITTTT! omg. and rdubs gave me all these new games/apps for my phone and i am so excited.
What I'm not excited for is packing. Fuck this shit. Oh well, hopefully it won't take very long. I am not looking forward to class at all tomorrow, and by "not looking forward to" I mean shoot me now. But I am so excited for the bus ride home and being home and eating good food and curling up on the couch and watching tv and hugging my mommy and judging speech and seeing maranto and the gbs speechies and crushing people's dreams (mwahaha, I'm powerful) and oracles and turkey and yayyyy. :)
I wish Ashley could come be with us, though, it makes me so sad. I really want to fix the situation but I don't know how. :(
Ok, well for now, I'm gonna sleep. Then... to the lighthouse! (Glenview.)
Peace. Love. Thanksgiving break =)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town.
It's been a while and I've really missed writing on this blog. I'm actually really happy that I write on here, because it's a lot easier than writing in my journal. Whenever I write in my journal my hand really hurts after a while, which sucks because I like to write a LOT.
So... the last thing I wrote on here was a letter to a certain person...
Since then, I made an effort to talk to that person, he responded by saying he agrees and finds it really weird/ awkward that we have not talked lately, and I got so excited that things were about to go back to how they used to be.
...But they didn't. And I'm so irritated. I saw him on the street two days ago, and he was so unbelievably awkward. Like our conversation didn't happen. I know we didn't have an actual conversation, but I thought it could be reasonably inferred that, since we agreed upon the fact that it sucks we haven't talked lately, AND we realized we had lots to discuss, I assumed he'd make an effort to hang out and talk. Now I'm convinced that's not going to happen. And I still don't understand why, after all this time and all these new situations and people in my life, I still have the same thoughts/ emotions regarding him. Well, not exactly ALL of the same thoughts, haha. But still... wanting to have that mental closeness and compatibility is something I've been feeling for the longest time. And now I'm almost convinced that that'll never happen again.
Hello, dream. How does it feel to be deferred?
Also. I'm convinced that my roomie could NOT type any louder/faster. She's crazy. Like, I'm actually convinced. Oh well. Anything beats the past situation, right? Right.
"On the first page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes
but you’ll always be my hero
even though you’ve lost your mind."
...Freaking LOVE that.
Read more: http://www.killerhiphop.com/rihanna-eminem-love-the-way-you-lie-pt-2-lyrics/#ixzz152ZN9ofv
So... the last thing I wrote on here was a letter to a certain person...
Since then, I made an effort to talk to that person, he responded by saying he agrees and finds it really weird/ awkward that we have not talked lately, and I got so excited that things were about to go back to how they used to be.
...But they didn't. And I'm so irritated. I saw him on the street two days ago, and he was so unbelievably awkward. Like our conversation didn't happen. I know we didn't have an actual conversation, but I thought it could be reasonably inferred that, since we agreed upon the fact that it sucks we haven't talked lately, AND we realized we had lots to discuss, I assumed he'd make an effort to hang out and talk. Now I'm convinced that's not going to happen. And I still don't understand why, after all this time and all these new situations and people in my life, I still have the same thoughts/ emotions regarding him. Well, not exactly ALL of the same thoughts, haha. But still... wanting to have that mental closeness and compatibility is something I've been feeling for the longest time. And now I'm almost convinced that that'll never happen again.
Hello, dream. How does it feel to be deferred?
Also. I'm convinced that my roomie could NOT type any louder/faster. She's crazy. Like, I'm actually convinced. Oh well. Anything beats the past situation, right? Right.
"On the first page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing turned out so evil
I don’t know why I’m still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes
but you’ll always be my hero
even though you’ve lost your mind."
...Freaking LOVE that.
Read more: http://www.killerhiphop.com/rihanna-eminem-love-the-way-you-lie-pt-2-lyrics/#ixzz152ZN9ofv
Thursday, October 21, 2010
So wake up, and do it.
Awake is the new sleep
Awake is the new sleep
So wake up
Wake up
And do it
Whatever it is
=)
I love this song. Ben Lee is great.
So I was thinking about the whole concept of speaking now or forever holding your peace, and I realized just how true, and applicable to life, it is. There are so many times that if you wait too long to say or do something, you've missed your chance and there's no relevance in doing something-- or speaking-- now. Because it's just too late. With that in mind, I decided to write someone a letter. I am probably going to send them this letter very soon, either via Facebook message or snail mail. Snail mail might be kind of weird since we're on the same campus and have a class together. But whatever. Who doesn't love getting snail mail, right?? Right.
So here's the letter.
Dear ______________,
Who are you? And what have you done with my friend?
I would say that I feel like I don't even know you anymore, but that would be too generous. That would imply that we still acknowledge each other.
...But we don't.
What happened to you?
What has made you do this, repeatedly, to people?
I don't understand you.
I guess I just don't understand.
In general.
What happened?
Please tell me.
Please don't treat me like I don't exist.
I'm still here...
...I still exist.
You should get that.
I guess what bothers me the most is the fact that we didn't have a fight. We didn't mutually agree to go our own separate ways. We didn't decide to just stop speaking to each other.
...Right?
We just ignore each other like we never even knew each other at all. Don't you think that's just a little screwed up?
Well it is.
And it makes me feel... I don't even, I can't even come up with a word for what it makes me feel because it was just so bizarre and out of the blue.
Honestly, we didn't speak that much the first few weeks of school. But we did communicate a little.
Then one day I saw one of your tweets, and being me, decided to let you know (via text) that I'd be there for you if you needed/wanted.
...No response from you, at which point I figured you wanted nothing to do with me.
Which really confused/bewildered me because actually nothing happened that would have qualified that feeling.
And so I sit here, thinking that I have to "Speak Now" or forever hold my peace.
And the thing about peace?
It doesn't mean anything if you don't fight first.
Awake is the new sleep
So wake up
Wake up
And do it
Whatever it is
=)
I love this song. Ben Lee is great.
So I was thinking about the whole concept of speaking now or forever holding your peace, and I realized just how true, and applicable to life, it is. There are so many times that if you wait too long to say or do something, you've missed your chance and there's no relevance in doing something-- or speaking-- now. Because it's just too late. With that in mind, I decided to write someone a letter. I am probably going to send them this letter very soon, either via Facebook message or snail mail. Snail mail might be kind of weird since we're on the same campus and have a class together. But whatever. Who doesn't love getting snail mail, right?? Right.
So here's the letter.
Dear ______________,
Who are you? And what have you done with my friend?
I would say that I feel like I don't even know you anymore, but that would be too generous. That would imply that we still acknowledge each other.
...But we don't.
What happened to you?
What has made you do this, repeatedly, to people?
I don't understand you.
I guess I just don't understand.
In general.
What happened?
Please tell me.
Please don't treat me like I don't exist.
I'm still here...
...I still exist.
You should get that.
I guess what bothers me the most is the fact that we didn't have a fight. We didn't mutually agree to go our own separate ways. We didn't decide to just stop speaking to each other.
...Right?
We just ignore each other like we never even knew each other at all. Don't you think that's just a little screwed up?
Well it is.
And it makes me feel... I don't even, I can't even come up with a word for what it makes me feel because it was just so bizarre and out of the blue.
Honestly, we didn't speak that much the first few weeks of school. But we did communicate a little.
Then one day I saw one of your tweets, and being me, decided to let you know (via text) that I'd be there for you if you needed/wanted.
...No response from you, at which point I figured you wanted nothing to do with me.
Which really confused/bewildered me because actually nothing happened that would have qualified that feeling.
And so I sit here, thinking that I have to "Speak Now" or forever hold my peace.
And the thing about peace?
It doesn't mean anything if you don't fight first.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
So right now, I'm waiting for my burger, fries, and milkshake to arrive... Hellooooo freshman 45. I don't feel bad about it though, because I'm starving, and I have homework to accomplish. I can't do that when I'm hungry. I actually can be really mean when I'm hungry, sooo yeah. I'm pretty excited about it. I have a chocolate shake topped with reese's, crinkle fries, and a well done burger waiting to be consumed by me. It's quite exciting.
ANYway... there's a guy with a guitar in the room next to me. He is an ok guitar player, but he has not stopped playing for the past hour. Now a singing girl has joined in. She is not that good. I think she wishes she was Amy Lee. Like that could ever happen. Hmph.
I'm really really sad because I didn't get to go to Acatoberfest. I would've loved it if I'd gone, I know that for sure. :( I love stuff like that.
Ok this girl is never gonna shut up, I swear to God as soon as my food comes I am gonna peace it to the ARC so I can actually get my shit done. Good news? I took my Psych quiz at 4:30 in the morning and got an A. Aw hellz yeah. =D
I love Snyder. Moving here is honestly one of the best decisions I've made since coming here. The nicest people live here. It's so cozy and just nice. I love everything about it. Besides this opera-singing wannabe Amy Lee, of course.
...So, I'm kind of confused. About my major. About what to study. I love writing and I know that I want to do that forever. I just don't think that English Education is the right major for me. I don't know... it sucks being undecided because everyone knows what classes to take for their major and stuff, and then I just... don't... know. :/ It's ok. I'll figure it out eventually. I just feel kind of stuck and it's not a fun feeeling. I guess the college transition in general has just been a lot harder than I thought it'd be.
8 days until Speak Now... aw HEELLZZ YEAH!! so excited. One of the songs from the record, "Back to December", was released on Tuesday, and I love it. It's definitely one of my favorite TSwift songs. It made me sad because it made me realize how much I miss someone, but our relationship is nothing like the song, because it wasn't a romantic relationship. It just ended kind of quietly and made me feel confused. I miss this person a lot... I wish they knew that and I wish they felt the same. The fact that they don't is what hurts me the most. But anyway, as usual, I relate A LOT to the emotions of the lyrics of the song. That's where the title of this post comes from, because it's just so true. Sometimes, you think you need a break from someone, and then you get it, and it turns out that what you wanted wasn't a break from them, but more of them.
I'm being deep now. Haha. Anyway. ✇. ♥. TSwift.
:D
ANYway... there's a guy with a guitar in the room next to me. He is an ok guitar player, but he has not stopped playing for the past hour. Now a singing girl has joined in. She is not that good. I think she wishes she was Amy Lee. Like that could ever happen. Hmph.
I'm really really sad because I didn't get to go to Acatoberfest. I would've loved it if I'd gone, I know that for sure. :( I love stuff like that.
Ok this girl is never gonna shut up, I swear to God as soon as my food comes I am gonna peace it to the ARC so I can actually get my shit done. Good news? I took my Psych quiz at 4:30 in the morning and got an A. Aw hellz yeah. =D
I love Snyder. Moving here is honestly one of the best decisions I've made since coming here. The nicest people live here. It's so cozy and just nice. I love everything about it. Besides this opera-singing wannabe Amy Lee, of course.
...So, I'm kind of confused. About my major. About what to study. I love writing and I know that I want to do that forever. I just don't think that English Education is the right major for me. I don't know... it sucks being undecided because everyone knows what classes to take for their major and stuff, and then I just... don't... know. :/ It's ok. I'll figure it out eventually. I just feel kind of stuck and it's not a fun feeeling. I guess the college transition in general has just been a lot harder than I thought it'd be.
8 days until Speak Now... aw HEELLZZ YEAH!! so excited. One of the songs from the record, "Back to December", was released on Tuesday, and I love it. It's definitely one of my favorite TSwift songs. It made me sad because it made me realize how much I miss someone, but our relationship is nothing like the song, because it wasn't a romantic relationship. It just ended kind of quietly and made me feel confused. I miss this person a lot... I wish they knew that and I wish they felt the same. The fact that they don't is what hurts me the most. But anyway, as usual, I relate A LOT to the emotions of the lyrics of the song. That's where the title of this post comes from, because it's just so true. Sometimes, you think you need a break from someone, and then you get it, and it turns out that what you wanted wasn't a break from them, but more of them.
I'm being deep now. Haha. Anyway. ✇. ♥. TSwift.
:D
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